Saturday, October 18, 2008

on action; lack thereof, or being missing in *ahem* sink holes...

Man! I have no idea where that cat, Dave, has gone! I mean it's been three months now. More than that! And still no sign. How long does he expect me to wait for that chick? You know, the one with the big... Hang on! What's that over there? It looks like water bubbling up out of a drain. A bloody big drain, like this is some kind of huge bathtub. Dave never told me about this. Who would use a bath this big?


*gasp* just one hand over the other *wheeze* got to keep climbing *splutter* have to keep my head out of this rushing water *gasp* this tunnel has to go somewhere... hang on! is that light up above?


Who's there? Did someone just call out? Is someone down there?


*splutter* oh, this must truly be hell! i finally come through the punishing waters undrowned to find you've followed me here...


Dave? Is that you? Here grab my hand! Man, what are you doing down there?


*wheeze* i beseech you, my gods. my lords! i am ready to believe! i will follow and obey from now till eternity, JUST PLEASE DON'T SEND ME BACK IN THERE WITH HIM!


Don't worry, I've got you! Hang on to me and I'll drag you up, Dave, although I did see you using capitals just now, so maybe it's not Dave. Just lie there on your side, buddy...


you're right. i am not dave.


Geez, you sure look like Dave. Better lay still too. And keep on that side. I don't want you choking on the water you look like you've swallowed. And I'd hate to have to give you the kiss of life, Dave!


I AM NOT DAVE!


I know, buddy, don't go getting all excited on me. Dave is kinda anti-capitalisation. No, that's not the right way to say it. He just doesn't like capitals for some reason. Must've had a bad experience in Canberra, or something. But you sure do look like Dave. Just wetter. And shit. I mean you look like shit. And Dave too, I guess.

i am not dave. you should leave here.

Now you're even sounding like Dave. Why should I leave here?

ahhhh, crap! because i'm going to vomit. can't a man come through all the seven hells, ride the wild waters of the fountain of despair and finally be left to choke on his vomit? alone? and in peace?

IT IS YOU, DAVE! Golly, it's good to see you!

*sigh* yes. it's me.

Boy! I bet you are glad that I was here to pull you free of that drain!

i refer you to my comments about the fountain of despair...

It's been three and a half months, Dave! Where have you been?


despairing. and hoping that it would be long enough...

Long enough? Being away from me hasn't improved your temperament, has it?

i was doing okay.

Doing okay? How's almost drowning in the drain from God's bathtub supposed to be doing okay?

god's bathtub? please don't make me ask...

Ask who? What? You haven't got any clearer in your general conversation, Dave.

and if he was to fall into this drain he keeps talking about, my Lords, it would be absurd to argue that i had pushed him, wouldn't it?

The weird thing is, Dave, I didn't even know you believed in God.

i'm not sure that i do.

What do you mean, not sure? How can a man be not sure? You either do, or you don't. Why have you set up your blog in God's bathtub if you don't believe in him?

*sighs* i must've been a b*stard in a previous life...

Seriously, Dave. I think you set your blog here in the hope that He might christen you with his...

christen me! who?

God. In his bath. He could duck you under the waters of his tub. Be best to keep your eyes closed but.

why?

Dave! If God is sitting in his bath and he christens you and you open your eyes... Gee, man, there's no accounting for what you might see. And it mightn't be too good for your ego if you happened to see His wil...

his wi... oh, dear, time to be going.

Dave? What are you doing, Dave? Why are you climbing back into that drain?

that

What do you mean that? Oh, heavens! That looks like a giant pair of buttocks. And they look like they're coming this way! Bloody heck, I'm not going to make the drain in time! Dave! Dave, what do I do?

pretend

Pretend? What's that supposed to mean? God's about to take a bath, with me in the tub with him and you're telling me to pretend!

pretend

PRETEND WHAT? OH, MAN! WHAT IF HE SEES ME?

pretend to be soap