Monday, June 30, 2008

on the pitch, and reading out loud...

Hey, Dave. What are you doing?

nothing. i'm doing nothing.

You were talking to yourself, weren't you?

no, i wasn't.

You were too. I heard you. When I came in. You were talking to yourself. You DO get lonley in here, don't you, Dave.

no. i don't.

Sure you do, why else would you be talking to yourself?

i don't want to say. you'll twist it up and make me look stupid.

I don't sit in here talking to myself, Dave.

*sigh* i wasn't talking to myself, i was reading. out loud.

Reading? Out loud? You've been by yourself for far too long.

see. i told you you would twist it!

All right, take it easy. Just tell me why you were reading out loud, will you?

i was reading my pitch.

Your pitch?

uh huh. my verbal blurb.

Oh, like your back cover blurb?

that's kind of like it.

Bummer. I thought you'd be talking about your cricket pitch. That's why I came in here, I read the blog title and thought I might get the cricket scores.

i don't have a cricket pitch.

You don't?

i don't.

Wow! That's almost un-Australian, isn't it?

what's un-Australian about not having a cricket pitch?

Well, let me see. Oh, everything, I guess. Like, what is the point of reading a pitch if it's not a cricketing one? I mean, if you can't try to pick Warnie's leg-break, or his wrong'un off the pitch, why bother reading anything?

the only wrong'un here is you, buddy!

No, seriously, I just came in here to find out how the one-dayers were going.

and i only came in to read my pitch.

You know, against the West Indies. In the Caribbean? Are we winning?

i can't imagine winning feeling this bad...

You don't know the score, do you?

yes, you twenty eight, me zero.

I mean the cricket score.

oh... no, i don't know the score.

So, what is the point of reading your pitch if there are no cricket scores in it?

it's my verbal blurb, for my novel, The Shadow Without. it's what i need to have ready to pitch to an agent or a publisher so it has to sound good. that's why i was reading it aloud.

And did it sound good?

i don't know. you kept talking over the top of it.

Did you mention the scores from the latest one day international in it? That'd make it sound real good, I reckon.

...

Dave? Where are you? Dammit! I wanted to ask if there are any good cricketing blogs out there...

Thursday, June 5, 2008

on being loved

I'M BAAAAAAAACK!

that's great. i'll be leaving then.

You're a rude bugger at times, Dave, know that?

really?

Is it some kind of superior posturing oh, look at me the great author bit, you are trying to achieve here?

what?

Or are you doing that old treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen thing on me?

no, no, no. you mustn't think, even for a minute, that i might be trying to keep--

That's it! I know it is, and you're just too shy to come out and say it.

*sigh*

I guess you writers like to be loved?

what?

I mean everybody needs loving. Or to paraphrase Donkey in Shrek, "Aint nobody who don't like loving!"

Donkey? in Shrek? what are you doing in here?

Just popping in to appreciate you some.

i don't need any appreciating today, thanks. and i won't need any tomorrow, or for the rest of this month, so you shouldn't have bothered.

Yeah, sure, Dave. It's easy to say that but I know the truth.

truth? what would you know about truth? any truth?

I know about yours.

all right! i know i'm going to regret this, but what are my truths?

Well, I don't know them all, but I know a big one.

shoot!

You get lonely in here.

lonely? are you mad?

It's true, Dave. You know it is.

it's not true.

It is, Dave. Everytime I find you in here, you are alone...

somebody can be alone without being--

Alone. And cranky.

oh, for crying out loud! i am not lonely and i am not cranky.

God hates liars, Dave.

that's it, i am...

Where are you going now?

it doesn't matter.

It matters to me. I'll be in here waiting for you.

you don't have to stay in my blog and wait for me!

Sure I do.

why?

If I tell you, you will get angry...

*sigh* no. i won't.

Promise?

fer chri--

See! I knew you'd get angry.

there is a difference between angry and frustrated. i am not angry, so tell me why.

All right, I have to stay in here because nobody else visits. And I feel kind of embarrassed for you that it's only ever you in here.

well, don't. i'm not lonely. i'm not cranky. i just appreciate my peace and quiet. so i am going. and you should too.

Where to?

my draft. there's the Penguin Most Wanted, their Crime Writing competition due in a couple of weeks. i need to polish my draft.

You are going to enter The Shadow Without in that competition?

yes, what's wrong with that?

Where's the crime, Dave? You kill off a bunch of miners, and possibly a big busted blonde because I haven't come across her in the book yet, but apart from murder, what is the crime?

murder is not good enough for you? what about the stealing of souls?

Oh, hell! You're not going to do that to my blonde friend, are you?

that's it. i'm out of here.

I hope there are some people where ever you are going, Dave. People who care about you...